Music Isn’t Real Because You, the Reader, Live in a Simulation Anyway

We’ve all believed things in our lives that weren’t true just because it made us feel better to ignore the truth. The tooth fairy literally paid us off with cash money to look the other way on their nonexistence.

Santa as well, only comes once a year but brings more cash value through presents, in a subscription that doesn’t run out when you’ve lost all your baby teeth. And the Easter bunny leaves candy all around your house (a comparatively small amount but makes up for it by being a way less important nonexistent tale with no clear reason why they would exist at all).

I hate to break this to you, the reader, but music is just another one of those feel-good tales. I think you’re old enough now to hear the truth. The truth is that extraterrestrials have created a sort of quantum reality in which multiple realities exist simultaneously, and they’ve found a way to keep you in one of those quantum states and manipulate it to their will. I know, this is really hard to process or even imagine.

Doesn’t it seem weird that we somehow became the only planet in the universe that can sustain life at all (let alone intelligent life), and are too far away from other solar systems to be able to see them in the present anyway? Doesn’t it seem weird that ska music exists? A completely unnecessary musical crossover with two genres that make absolutely no sense together? Almost like when you plug a phrase into an acronym calculator and eventually it starts to combine words that don’t mean anything?

It’s obviously impossible to prove any of this. I’d say the existence of ska music is the closest thing you’ll find to evidence that proves your entire life is a simulation.

This reality keeps you pacified by sending feel-good chemicals (like dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, etc.) to your brain based on triggers for each of the five senses. Music is one of the most important elements in this scheme. Think about your absolute favorite songs. The ones that are attached to certain friends, certain experiences, certain crushes. Ask yourself, really ask yourself: is it too good to be true? Were these songs created to be tailored specifically to your taste to cloud your mental/emotional states and keep you from questioning the foundation of your reality?

But I can’t deny that if it were me (although I don’t exist either), I might turn a blind eye. I might read this post, close the tab, and pretend I never saw it. After all, ignorance is bliss. Perception is reality. So put on your headphones, close your eyes, and let the music take you away. It’s the cheapest high you’ve been given.